First World Problems

    My Internet connection has not been the best of late which of course makes posting on the blog a bit difficult.  For the past month the connection has been less than stellar.  I'm talking pre-dial-up days slow.  And all throughout the past month I have found myself struggling with a grumbly, ungrateful attitude toward my Internet situation.  Seriously, don't the people at my Internet provider know I have important things to do like check ESPN 3 times a day, watch senseless YouTube videos, and hack into my dad's facebook so I can see pictures of my nieces??!!!  This month has been full of other "problems" for me.  My iTouch was stolen.  My computer's DVD player stopped working.  My new phone is not great for texting.  So that is where I found myself this month - at every turn tempted to complain and grumble about the "difficulties" of my life.  I mean how am I going to be able to sleep without playing my iPod??!!!  Hello?!!!  RIDICULOUS.  Craziness.  The sheer madness of it all.  (I'm talking about myself at this point.)   Here is a piece of what I wrote in my journal on one of my grumbly days. 

So yeah I'm super bummed about my iPod.  Isn't it crazy that with all the poverty, death, illness, depravity, sin, and lostness I have encountered here in my last two years that I still get upset over something as trivial as a missing iPod?  I mean babies are dying, my national friends are getting beat by their husbands, and people are worshipping a monkey statue, and the thing that I am most upset about today is my missing/stolen iPod and how that is going to inconvenience me.  Seriously Anna.  Get a grip. 

      What is ridiculous is not my slow Internet or missing iPod, but that after two years of living in the serious poverty and disease of the Third World, I still get so easily upset over my "first world problems".  It's amazing how "things" have such a hold on me.  I want to be honest about the things I struggle with while living overseas.  And right now my struggle is learning to keep everything in the right perspective.  I'm embarrassed to admit to you that I'm scared.  I'm scared because I didn't realize the grip that possessions and money and technology had on me.  I'm scared because somehow I can manage to listen to my friend tell me about how her husband beat her last night and then go home and be upset because it takes a web page 5 minutes to load.  I'm scared because upon hearing my neighbors chanting day and night to false gods, I'm more annoyed that I can't just plug in my iPod to drown out the sound of their idol worship.  Mostly I'm scared that in 2 months, when I'm at home surrounded by all the shiny, nice, convenient things that life in the West offers, I will forget that there are people on the other side of the world who are worrying about where the next meal is coming from.  I'm scared that I will forget that there are half-dressed babies playing virtually unsupervised on the side of busy roads while their parents work on construction crews, the only jobs available to them, just so they can feed those babies.
     The good news in all of this is that I have a heavenly Father who shows me such grace and tenderly reproves me when I start to focus on all the wrong things.  The Father is daily teaching me and molding me and helping me to be less self-focused.  He gives me grace and helps me show myself grace.  He does not desire that I should feel guilty for having nice things or access to modern conveniences.  He is the one who gave me all that I have, but He does not want those "things" to become gods in my life.  Things can't be the focus.  They can't be so important to me that I can't bear losing them.  The other lesson in all of this for me is that I can never think I am above any sin.  I never considered myself a materialistic person before.  Boy howdy was I wrong.  I really underestimated the power of the "sin of stuff" in my life.  I'm not writing this because I think it is wrong to have working Internet or iPods or other conveniences of the developed world. I'm not trying to Jesus Juke anyone or make it seem like I think I'm more spiritual now without the aforementioned things.  The reason for this blog is three-fold.  First, I hope it reminds you to pr@y for me as I continue to learn and grow.  Second, I hope it challenges some of you to think about whether you, like myself, struggle with keeping the focus on the Father and not on stuff.  And finally, I hope that after reading this blog you join me in giving praise and glory to the One who gently reminds us that He is all we need.