Guess Who's Back, Back Again... Anna's back.

I thought about titling this post It's Me Again Margaret but decided instead to keep with the Eminem reference in large part because my mother will not understand to whom I am referring.  This will undoubtedly prompt her to ask my friend Annie about it which can only lead to an awesome conversation about who is the real slim Shady.  This is just my way of squirrelling up both my mother and Annie from halfway across the world.    But I digress....  Most of you know that the last month was kind of a bumpy one.  To be honest the last month wasn't the only rough time I've experienced since moving here.  What made the last month more difficult than all the others was that for the first time since the battle commenced, I felt like a casualty.  At one point I looked in the mirror and seriously thought I was down for the count.  I thought the battle of the last 9 months had finally caught up to me and taken me down.  I had lost my laugh.  It was a body blow.  If you know me well, then you know what this means for me.  The Word says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  It says that the Maker of the Universe knit me together with great care, purpose, and love.  Who I am, my personality and strengths and weaknesses, those are gifts from my Maker to be used for His glory.  I love to laugh and be with people and share life with people.  I love to laugh so hard that it hurts.  I love to make people laugh and help them forget their problems.  I love to laugh and make people laugh just for the joy of it, because it feels good.  I love to sit with people and talk about everything and nothing all at the same time.  Being with people, being around people, loving people and letting people love me, these are all things I enjoy.  This part of the way Dad made me, and it has been so neat to see how He can use this part of me in this culture as I sit with women and girls in their villages and homes.  So you can imagine my distress when I felt like 3 weeks ago I just couldn't laugh.  I couldn't be around people.  I had nothing to give anyone.  I have never felt less like myself, and it was a scary feeling.  So.  What to do?  Something else about me that some of you can attest to is that I'm action-oriented.  I think it's the nurse in me.  When I encounter a problem, I want to immediately start working on the solution.  But I knew that with this particular beast I needed to be careful.  I knew that what I needed was the peace and rest only He can give, and that if I go off half-cocked trying to "fix" myself, I would wind up father up the creek.  There was no perfect plan or formula to follow to make me feel like me again. There needed to be a delicate balance of resting in Him and wrestling with Him.  I knew that only in returning and rest and in quietness and trust would I be saved and find my strength.  But I also knew that along with rest, I needed to wrestle with the Word and be in deep times of pr@yer.  I also felt Dad tell me that I needed to be more accountable to people so I shared my heart with some friends and was completely honest about what I needed.  This isn't my usual style, but it was good for me to be vulnerable with people and allow them to serve and minister to me.  So I did these things.   I rested, physically.  I was still before my G#d and listened.  I opened His Word and let it wash over me and teach, correct, and rebuke me.  And I spent lots of time with people who weren't having any trouble laughing and let them laugh for me until it became easier for me to laugh along with them.  PTL!  I'm back!!!  In quietness and in rest, in seeking Him through His Word and prayer, in letting others minister to my needs, Father has blessed.  I feel better now and more like myself than I have in a very long time.  I just want to be clear about one thing.  It can be dangerous to let mood and feelings dictate the day.  I am so thankful that no matter how I "feel", He NEVER changes.  The truths of His Word are still true.  He is always good.  He is always with me.  His joy is my strength, and it never runs dry.  He is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. 

Here are a few pics of the ladies who helped me laugh the last few weeks.
 I'm so thankful to call each one friend. 

This is my friend Ashlee.  She is always saying the craziest things.  I love hanging out with her because she laughs like me, often and from the gut. 

This is my friend Z.  I love sitting and just passing the chat with her.  She has the craziest stories.  She can discern my mood almost better than anyone.  Knowing I've been down lately, she has been calling nonstop to make sure I'm okay, stopping by for visits, and inviting me to her house.  She is a good friend.

This is my friend Laura.  I seriously feel like every time we are together something crazy happens.   We both love living overseas because of this crazy unpredictability factor.  I enjoy her flavor in these crazy situations. We make eye contact, and I can tell we are both thinking the same thing.  It's nice to have someone who also enjoys the sheer craziness of this life so that we can laugh together.